A reason to live

I gave up.
I lose hope.
I tourture myself
I hate my life.
I trust no one.

All those. I have lived through that. Feeling the failure that lies in my veins. How i have never thought i i could be happy again. Somehow "it" gives a big impact of my life. And how death would be the only solution. But i still have faith. I didn't lose it. In fact, to be honest, at a short brief moment i forgot how faith would be the main reason you could stand strong behind every problems that lies upon you. In Islam we are thought to always keep the faith. Faith upon Allah. The connection with our creators. To me at that moment, I forgot. I forgot to seek for His help. Asking for strength and patience. All i could do was just to sit down and cry.

Wondering what i did wrong. I gave up on my life. I stopped trying and skipped meals, lock myself in my room. Well i don't practically lock the door and all. Just stay in my room all day and night and come out only when i need to. In between time i spend with myself. I thought why is this happening and what did i do wrong? It was at the very beginning that i actually think that THIS particular failure was actually a gift. A stepping stone of success which Allah took away from me emptied from my hands for even a greater gift. Lets be logically optimistic, no plans are better than Allah's plan. For all i know we tried our best and maybe its not yet time to taste what we want. Thou, Allah only gives what you need and not what you want.

All im trying to say, whatever you do, however you do and what lies upon you. Put your heart and mind it is because of Allah. Because everything happens for a reason. And when you think it that way. Your life would be at the calmest state whereby you couldn't even see even the tiniest problem. Seek for His help and ask for his guidance.